Tag Archives: INFJ

INFJ the recluse – a description

INFJ’s have very powerful creative emotions and willpower. This works for good or for ill. Due to their strong paranoid tendencies If focused on the negative it can quickly lead to hopelessness and depression through increased negative feeling/thinking.

I describe INFJ’s as people who do best when taking abstract arcane/non-tangible information and bring it to the masses in a systematic and comprehensive way. They are system educators and paradigm changers. I find it critical they be engaged in activities along those lines creating and disseminating information. All that vast creative knowledge inside of them needs to come out and be expressed or else the energy becomes bottled up with no outlet turning to nefarious tones.

We are here in this plane to learn to manage power and energy. It’s creative expression is a vital part in maintaining it’s flow.

INFJ’s tend to be very sensitive to criticism, yet have no problem criticizing the state of the world. They tend to be quite dissatisfied with life’s terms.

Many INFJ’s are actors and musicians due to their natural ability for intense structured emotion. Famous INFJ’s include Madonna, Beyonce, Keanu Reeves and Denzel Washington.

Teal Scott is also an INFJ and a good example of one using her talents correctly.

INFJ’s tend to have few friends and when they do it’s typically an ENFP. INFJs tend to be in one-up one-down relationships where they are on the up. Many times they are the leader of a small “tribe” or entourage of friends hanging at their coattails. They have difficulty handling conflict especially with their ideas and unless you agree with them on nearly everything and pay lip service to their sentiments they will likely ditch you quickly. They therefore have difficulty getting along with other strong personalities which is a real shame.

Collaboration is something they don’t due well, yet due to the nature of their big-picture interests is almost necessary if they want to begin realizing their goals. It’s a real paradox for them. Their emotions can be quite mercurial. HItler was an INFJ taken to an extreme. Many church pastors, guru’s, cult leaders are also INFJs.

In addition to being good actors and singers they also make good writers. The internet in many ways is a perfect place for them where they can express their creativity from their reclusive place on YouTube, blogs, e-books and forums.


ENFP relationship issues – an analysis

Recently I have had a lot of friends who either are an ENFP or are in a relationship with an ENFP run into problems. It is my hope that this guide will give insight into the world of ENFPs and how it relates to everyone else.

I have close to a dozen ENFP friends and my younger brother is an ENFP as well. So i have been able to observe them first hand with my practical ENTJ mind to see what works for them and what doesn’t. Every personality type has blind spots/biases and it is very difficult for most to self examine and admit they have an issue in an area.

It seems like everyone knows an ENFP and they probably do, because ENFPs know everyone. This is somewhat surprising as they only make up about 3-4% of the population.

Strengths of  ENFPs

ENFPs are master social harmonizers. This is their single greatest strength and social harmony is something they value above all else, including themselves. ENFPs love the social challenge of trying to get different groups or cliques to harmonize with one another. ENFPs are very fun, loving people that love it when they can play a part in making everyone have a good time. Their knack for comedy to diffuse social tension is something they resort to quite often. They like to have everyone included and will often approach and bring in more shy people.

ENFPs genuinely value everyone’s diverse opinions. They seek common ground among all peoples another and use this as an effective strategy they use to bring about social harmony. Often ENFPs can resort to being a monkey and provide brief entertainment. ENFPs do well in improv comedy.

ENFPs morph into their social circles, adopting the mannerisms and the style of a given group in order to fit in and bring harmony. ENFPs socially thus are some of the most adaptable people out there and can simultaneously juggle multiple diametrically opposed social groups.

The only time you will ever see a ENFP get upset or angry is when they deem someone to be a major social harmony disruptor. At this point the full wrath of an ENFP will be felt, often by publicly trying to ostracize someone.

A girl ENFP in the world of girls is truly a gem. Femalekind is notorious for being hypergamous and gossiping and putting others down to raise their own value. A female ENFP typically does no such thing and is often a breath of fresh air when it comes to a catty female environoment. ENFP females thus will often have a lot of guy friends more so then other types.

Good career choices for ENFPs

ENFPs make good group leaders, youth leaders, pastors, socialites, human resource specialists, union leaders, team builders,  and especially group therapy facilitators. They genuinely want to help people, but can become “depressed” if their usual happy-go lucky methods don’t work. They think “love” can solve all the world’s problems. Many honestly believe it’s that simple…however sorry to say it’s often much more complicated. Something they tend to have a hard time accepting.

Weaknesses of ENFPs

Our weaknesses are our strengths turned up to loud. And this applies to every personality type.

An ENFPs greatest strength is their socializing ability, how could that possibly be a negative? In fact I believe most ENFps are truly miffed and confused when they run into relationship problems. They are so very successful at making people feel good about themselves and making friendships it truly baffles them when an intimate relationship goes sideways.

The first greatest problem an ENFP has is they are so focused on making other people happy they often forget about themselves. Health is one area where ENFPs will often compromise on themselves. And this ties in with one of their strategies of self-destructive social harmonizing.

You see ENFPs tend to be either relatively overweight or underweight tending to an extreme on either end. They use the very shape of their body to try and make people feel more at ease with theirs. Super skinny ENFPs often adopt meek/small body posture in order to be less intimidating. They purposely make themselves small so they can make others big so they will feel better about themselves.

Obese ENFP’s often very overweight adopt an opposite strategy. They take the giant teddy-bear approach and will try to make others feel better about themselves by consistently being fatter than them. Obviously this approach doesn’t work on everyone for there is always someone skinnier or fatter than you out there, but as long as they are skinnier or fatter than their primary social groups, ENFPs feel their strategy is effective.

Occasionally you will run into a fit and healthy ENFP. In those circumstances they  are usually involved in social circles that are interested in fitness. Like a biking club or a running club, or being everyone’s bro at the gym.

Other than their possible health compromises, ENFPs often compromise their personal emotional life or values. Trying to find out what an ENFP values independent of others can be truly a challenge because so much of what they value is directly tied to other peoples values.

Which brings me to another point. ENFPs can find themselves in toxic situations possibly a very dysfunctional family. In such a case they feel like they are the glue that holds the family unit together. In such cases an ENFP can become the abused and stay in abusive relationships. If there is conflict between parents an ENFP child will often try to come between them and be the sacrificial lamb in order to preserve a relationship that they deem necessary for their personal survival. ENFPs can and do support dysfunctional family relationships at great cost to themselves.

One of the greatest disillusions or false belief an ENFP holds is that they believe they can MAKE other people happy. An ENFP may not admit this but, if you look at their actions it only becomes very apparent. This I believe is one of their greatest weakness because happiness is something that comes from within and can’t be applied cosmetically.

Shallowness – ENFPs are paradoxically deep and shallow. It’s that they can be deep for short periods of time, but they naturally tend towards a “fun/light” state and don’t wan’t to be caught up in 1hr long deep discussions about a single emotional event. ENFPS roughly have a 5-10 min time limit when it comes to discussing things of an emotionally deep nature before they are worn out, and want to move on to something else fun and lighthearted.

Lighthearted may be a better description than shallow, but you can see how the two are linked. Due to the nature of opposites attracting ENFPs are often attracted to introverts that are feeling oriented. And this is the crux of most ENFP relationship problems. Introverted feeler types can spend half a day dwelling and working through a single emotional issue. This is particularly taxing to an ENFP and often an ENFP will opt out or get annoyed with so much deepness and go talk to another friend. This intern makes the introverted feeling partner left out in the cold on a limb. Then they may brood about it, and feel poorly misunderstood and unappreciated. Introverted feeling types need lots of time and care when it comes to their emotions. Often an ENFP just isn’t willing to do this to the extent that’s necessary.

This is where I believe ENFPs need the most amount of personal spiritual growth. They can learn from introverted feeling types the focus and concentration necessary to tune into the inner world and self reflect and work through emotions.

In a way ENFPs dupe many deep people (iNtuitive types). They definitely have the capacity to be deep and those who are deep get excited at the prospect of someone who can meet them at their level only to find an ENFP will leave them in the dust after a short period of time seeking more novelty.

Experience junky – ENFPs are forever seeking novelty. This makes them very diverse interesting individuals in the sense they know a little bit about everything but rarely a lot about any one thing. This can sometimes apply to their relationships as well, and it most defiantly applies to their social life. ENFPs love social novelty hence why they have so many diverse groups of friends, which they often keep separate because disharmony would result if they mixed them too much. Also ENFPs love travelling. They rush into all new experiences head first. This is great however it can be a bit much at times. ENFPs may find it hard to settle in on space or a given relationship before they are on to the next new thing. It can also impede their personal development in the sense that they can’t fully develop one thing if they are constantly rushing to the next shiny thing.

It may appear that they are running from the problems in their life and this often may in fact be the case if they become accustomed to it. Sitting down and introspecting for any length of time is generally quite difficult. They are often plugged in to some form of social connections, texting, tweeting, instagraming and face-booking. On fb they tend to have friends in the thousands.





Judgement and Disgust

I have recently been having dreams where a man is after me to kill me and I am running scared for my life, in freeze response. I also try to kill this man sometimes, but nothing I do kills him. Spears and bullets through the body, decapitation, and even taking his brain out of his head.

What can’t you kill? And he seemingly can’t kill me either. This leads me to think this demon is an aspect of myself I have created. My gf asked why is he trying to kill me? It appears to me that he is trying to kill me for who I am, he is judging me. It’s not for anything I have done. The demon in some ways is a mock up of my parents, who don’t love me for who I actually am, and judge the very person I am and don’t accept it.

Which led me to think that the demon represents my personal judging of people, and specifically my parents and my mother. I judge them for judging me, and thus the demon grows stronger and haunts me in my dreams. It’s a vicious circle, that needs to be broken. I judge so many people also because of this, the christian church i grew up was steeped in this same kind of righteous judgment. I was brain washed with it at a very core level, and intellectually I have changed my ways………..and drove the emotional judging aspect of myself deep underground into a nefarious cavern where it silently grows stronger without my conscious awareness.

Upon meeting someone, my emotional body will level dozens of judgments against another person, I despise on a very rudimentary emotional level almost everyone I meet. Even though my intellect may be interested in said people. There is a schism between these social relational aspects of myself.

Some of the only people I don’t judge are people who are so broken down, crack/heroin addicts that they have nothing to hide. They almost have no social ego in a sense. I find I judge people most by how they are emotionally inauthentic. People who are hiding their true feelings, constructed walls and egos around their deepest emotions, people who are scared of their emotions, who live in insecurities and fear. This is emotionally draining, because it applies to nearly everyone.

What it also does, is reflect on my OWN lack of connection with my emotions and my fears, and insecurities and unwillingness to feel those negative emotions. The things I judge in others I judge in my self. The tricky part is this style of emoting is so programmed in, at such a deep level, it for the most part escapes my conscious awareness. I drain myself of energy and don’t even realize it. The ironic hypocrisy of it all. Yet that is the thing I hate the most about others…which incidentally creates the demon within me, and then I guess most other people also have similar demons inside them as well. Especially christains.

I need to emotionally learn to accept people for who they are, and appreciate them for who they are. I need to relax into that. Feel the judgments, then transmute the emotional energy to feel the serene acceptance. This will break the curse.


My gf and I both have issues around judging people. One of the reasons is we don’t trust them to help themselves. I don’t trust people to figure stuff out for themselves. My gf doesn’t trust people unless they have a verbally committed statement to help themselves, and even then she won’t trust them to objectively self observe and be aware of their blindspot.

The perfect person to practice this on is your mother, and something my therapist had me do. Trust that my mother could take of herself learn and grow. Wow i had emotional resistance to that at first.

If other people are merely a mirror especially if you have a knee jerk reaction to their behaviours it means I have an issue trusting myself. And here it comes to my emotions. My gf genuinely fears her emotions may kill someone, hence why she hates grey areas.
Last night I had a dream where someone was chasing me and trying to kill me and my gf with a bow and arrow. Prior to that my family was trying to destroy all the material things my gf and I possessed and my gf had gotten into a big fight telling off my family. My sister was insulting her, and then I would slap her and punch her to get her to stop. Then all these really grotesque thing, spiders, werewolves, and a red orb cess pool pod of spiders/no toxic fish in acid were coming out to threaten many people.

Yet somehow I survived all of that, and fought through it. When I woke I was very disturbed but the more I embraced the disturbed grossed out emotions, and worked through them and thus using things like a knife to kill the fish/spiders, the more I realized my emotions can be trusted to do the right things to insure my survival and thrive-al. In fact by the time i got out of bed its usually a mental/intellectual i-gotta-do-all-these-things-today type effort. Instead I let my emotional core in my body get me out of bed, and I felt much more energized despite having had a disturbing dream.

It’s gross creepy stuff I need to embrace and accept emotionally in my dreams as well as in real life and then trust my emotions to work through them. I got some insight from a new DaVinci show, where he does gross things without being emotionally grossed out. Once I do that I can literally feel it freeing up and unlocking diverted energy pathways!! It’s the root source to my chronic fatigue. The cool things is I can show this emotional work to my ego, and show it how it benefits from the additional energy, and then it will embrace this process where before it resisted.

If you don’t trust people to fix themselves, you don’t really trust the universe, and if the universe created you you can’t trust yourself.

My gf mentioned she trusts herself more than the universe…..what a paradox.

Seth is really big on trusting yourself especially your emotions. It’s most difficult with unpleasant personal emotions, but that is where all the growth lies. Distancing yourself from unpleasant emotions diverts energy to those areas leaving less for you.

Much of the self-distrust and thus outward distrust comes, form a mother who was not caring in the appropriate ways. A child crying and not cared for, or purposefully ignored and neglected WILL develop self esteem issues and thus self trust issues. This is the groundwork then for all subsequent limiting beliefs.

Seth makes a big deal about living in a safe universe, trusting the self and universe and appreciating the self and its accomplishments for these very reasons.

For me trusting my emotions to work through creepy feelings is important. If I can’t trust my own emotions to work through the unpleasantness I sure won’t be able to trust others peoples emotions to do similar types of things, and I will judge them.

If you are giving advice to someone and it doesn’t come from a place of emotionally relaxed outcome-independent space, its a huge red flag you are dealing with a similar issue. In all likelihood though its hidden inside yourself and it may take some work uncovering it. The ego loves to assert its authority and is very clever at tricking itself in these terms. It thinks it has some intellectual mastery over the advice you may be giving someone else, but the emotions you feel at the moment and if their not from a relaxed caring place will tell you the real truth.

P.S. I was much inspired from watching Denzel Washington in Flight last night. He piloted a plane did some truly scary stuff, but remained calm, calling it instinct. In it he is an alcoholic who tries to change his life. Watching an INFJ create a new unifying principle/framework to base their lives around is an awesome learning tool. The emotional/belief reorganization it entails is so clearly depicted. It offers a create template/blueprint. At the end, his son asks him, “Who are you?”

Which is interesting. The first thing that comes to my mind when someone asks that questions is that we are the sum of our experiences. Our ego particularly likes that narrative. This is why people when asked the question may list their educational achievements, job title, ethnicity, nationality, age, name, etc. However the personality has the ability to reorganize itself around entirely new unifying principles. This fundamentally changes identity, even for the ego, or especially most importantly. You really can become a very new person, very different from the one you were.

So when some asks “who are you?” you can point out you are/were many different people, even in the same lifetime and that the person you may be tomorrow may be very different. The question can not be answered. It request stability of identity when fundamentally there is none.