Realized yesterday the creepy anxiety feeling that I get and seems to form a baseline in my nervous system is from my programmed brain reactions to being around my mother.
Being around her is not good for my emotional health, it causes me to dissociate from the happy place inside myself really quickly.
I feel this may take decades to un-wire…..and removing myself from her presence and being around people more in line with my values.
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Figured out something interesting while playing around with different ways of relating to people.
I seem to have an issue with what I call “over-empathy”. It’s mal-adaptive. For some people especially my mother, and others that vibe in similar emotional ways, I hyper-tune into their emotions so I basically take on and wear their emotional state. This is very disempowering however I believe I adopted it is a survival strategy in regards to my mother.
Recently I tried bubbling people (Imagining them in bubbles so their emotions don’t affect me) and this worked to some degree.
However what I just realized is that I need to tune into MY OWN emotions and operate from there. Too often and its a habit now i neglect and ignore my own emotions and get carried away with other peoples and just feebly apply logic to a situation. Tuning into my own emotions is the seat of my power, and can be very challenging for me at times. I am making progress though!
Really tuning into my emotional enteric nervous system is key, especially when I am talking or relating to other people in all my relationships. Otherwise I am literraly giving away my emotional power.
I seem to do this mostly to ISFJ’s & ESFJs due to their inherent emotional strength, just like I do to my mother. This needs to stop. I need to tune into and maintain my own emotion power position so I do not get controlled at this level. Too often I have allowed myself to be emotionally manipulated. Intellect and logic are no match for the raw power of emotions in these terms.
Fusing the raw power of my own emotions with my logic gives me super-power! A creative synthesis of the two.
I realize that if I have this issue then many other people must have it as well and just aren’t aware of it.
Heroic Mastery 