Emotional aggression as a way for covering insecurities

I came to some new realizations recently.

My previous relationship was with an ESFJ. ESFJs are outward focused structured emotional oriented types of people. To me they are some of the most intimidating types of people, and often the most aggressive.

By being around such a person, I was subconsciously trying to develop my emotions, by energetically plastering them onto myself. The thing is true emotional power comes from within not without. And ESFJs are some of the most insecure people on the planet. The reason is the “EF” combination of externalizing emotion. This includes ENFPs and ENFJs as well.

“EF” because they are natural emotional externalizers will often develop complexes where they use extroverted emotion to overpower internal emotional insecurities. This comes out in their often over-the-top aggressive emotions. It’s a false external emotional strength that is literally papering over and suppressing introverted emotional insecurities.

Hence why they become masters at suppressing their insecurities more-so than other people for it is so easy for them to suppress them given their natural inclination. They hide their emotions using other emotions, lol, making for rather conflicted individuals, but they try to keep that a secret.

So there I was trying to learn true emotional power from the master of personal inward emotional deception. Not happening. Faking it till you make it…. especially emotionally is a recipe for learning how to stunt your growth and regress. Short term success at long term-systemic loss. Creating coping complexes reinforces using crutches. Fake confidence, fake strength leads to a higher more pervasive fake-ness that becomes increasingly more difficult to let go of.

This is why “IF” especially INFPs the most self honest emotional people on the planet are much better teachers. True emotional power comes from within (introversion) and my gf and sage-friend have been tremendous teachers for me in this regard.

I am learning how to develop my own emotional power, and gain it back from a mother who stole it from me when I was a kid.

Response to Miss.ENTJ-friend – Be more like kitteh

I’m somewhat similar to you. I have no problem getting angry, but for me it’s with people I know really well (aka my family). If it’s strangers or people I see rarely I don’t do it as much if ever.

Lol @ making lists. What an ENTJ response. And no this really isn’t about needs, it’s about boundaries. (btw fuck the needs list, use values instead)

The key here is becoming more in tune with your emotions. When around other people, sensing into your body, and being aware of subtle nuances in how other people are making you feel. It really is more so of an introverted feeling (IF) quality where it’s self examination rather than examining rationally external behaviors. (ET)

Both my gf, depressed-friend, and sage-friend react viscerally, and emotionally instantly when they feel a boundary is being crossed. It’s a knee-jerk reaction, complete emotional honesty. Their body language and facial expression covey this, with out the logic mind getting in the way stopping it, rationalizing and then determining a “rational” course of action.

So the key for you( Miss.ENTJ-friend) and me is becoming more introverted feeling “IF” in social relational situations. Also expressing anger emotion WITH the logic. A dirty look, a look of disgust, a flash of anger, with DIRECT eye contact works as well. You could pretend you are your cat, as if someone just stepped on his tail, and the cat then gives that angry glowering controlled emotional look. Cats are actually masters of emotional control, in a logic like manner. Cats aren’t irrationally emotionally reactionary like dogs, they have good emotional boundary response and control.

So to sum up:

1. Be more Introverted Feeling oriented, SRT style, respond more with controlled emotion
2. Be more like Cat