So I have discovered a new way of relating to humans; for myself.
So as articulated above, pert of the “googly eyes” my gf talks about, and my emotional attachment to outcomes in human relations is how I have learned to relate to other human beings. My emotional state is strongly influenced by theirs, because I haven’t separated them because I am trying to draw everyone into me, so I can gauge them and survive.
The relationship between a mother and baby must be like this, the two are literally melded into one and mirroring each other. As the child grows older, it is supposed to detach from the mother, and the mother from it. But what if the mother doesn’t detach from the child (my mother hasn’t detached from me) then the child aka me. will use that as a human relational model and use it to relate to all human beings in like matter, like my mother does. I templated that relational framework off of her.
It’s because she learned it from her mother. I remember my grandma reading the newspaper and every horrible story affected her deeply, as if it were personal and happening to her. She got quite an ego kick out of it.
There is another dimension to this however and I feel that a lot of parents see their children as extensions of themselves. Their progeny their creation, they identify quite strongly with their children, and disallow them to identify with themselves. Suffocating is a very apt term.
The children then learn this relational model and then relate to others in like manner. If you separate yourself from others, and observe them as separate emotional creatures, and don’t project your ideals upon to them, then their emotional state can’t have power over you. It’s ironic because as people relate to others with the ideals they have for themselves they put others into boxes, and don’t appreciate them for who they are. Shadow self, very much is a shadow SELF, because its a projection of SELF on another. You dis-empower yourself and don’t see others for who they truly are, and when they don’t act in accordance with your projected ideals you have knee-jerk emotional reactions/resistance to their state of being, because it has been over-laid with your idealistic projections. I feel this is the normal way of human relating for most people.
There is much we can learn from animals. Animals relate to each other, especially different species, with a sense of curiosity, but they respect each other in an inviolate way. They don’t go projecting their ideals on each other. Likewise with plants.
The ideal way of relating to an animal is appreciating them for their unique creaturehood. Animals respond very positively when you treat them as inviolate creatures, because it holds a sacred respect. Animals tend to respond very affectionately The thing is most humans don’t relate to each other in that way.
Trying to extract love from someone or an animal usually backfires. But appreciating animals/human for their unique DIFFERENCES from you and their entire unique emotional way of being, and their individuality is the best way to gain that same kind of love and appreciation back. When was the last time someone appreciated you for your very own unique emotional way of being?
Man if humans related to each other more like this……. it could change everything.
Heroic Mastery 