Mobility issues in dreams – general theme…why?

A theme that comes up in many of my dreams is cars….cars that don’t work.

It appears the symbolism behind this is one of mobility. Cars are the outer/physical manifestation of mobility. Cars in dreams therefore represent inner mobility. Cars are mechanical, technical, masculine logical devices.

Once I realized this I dreamed of riding a black horse. Black represents the feminine, and I had this strong emotional(feminine) connection with the horse, which then worked much better than any car in previous dreams in terms of mobility.

I can emotionally will the direction of mobility via telepathic communication with a horse but I can’t do that with a car.

It just goes to show I have been trying to use my mind/intellect too much to lead me through life, when I should be using more of my emotions. What a powerful lesson!

Mobility, Power, Energy, Aggressiveness, Clarity, are some of the central things at play here. Both having inner and outer component. Many dream symbols will have meaning in many layers.

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Cars, trains, elevators. These three things keep popping up in my dreams. Mechanical devices, that seem to have some kind of issues.

The underlying theme here appears to be MOBILITY and apparent issues with it. Also it is couple with a lack of clarity. Can’t see out of the car, windshield too dirty; can’t find the train I am supposed to be on, missing it; blurry vision on the elevators, anxiety of heights going up down too far.

The mechanical devices symbolize the masculine, logic. My thoughts are I need to work with my emotions/feminine more and the masculine is being too dominant and breaking down. Analee thinks its the opposite case an issue with the masculine that needs to be resolved and strengthened.

It’s possible it’s a fusion of both, and it’s masculine emotion I need to empower….

Last night I dreamed I was flying around on a Staff/Broom like a witch. Another night I dreamt I put a broom on the front of a railcar I was driving.

The broom symbol appeared to help my mobility by giving greater clarity/control…..

Holding others accountable for their emotions

Had a really interesting experience w/ my mom today.

Finally told her I wasn’t gonna be spending christmas with her, and was gonna go to cancun. She responded emotionally in much the way I anticipated, like I hurt her, and was driving a steak into her heart and sat twisting it and enjoying the agony I was putting her in. She put on quite the show. Very impressive amounts of pain, that she projects as my responsibility.
This is something she does to everyone, it’s sheer emotional manipulation. She has done it to me my whole life, made me responsible for the well-fare of her emotions. I have usually responded by ignoring her, or getting angry, which perpetuates the problem.

After talking to my gf about it, we came up with a strategy. I need to flip the dynamic, and make her take ALL the responsibility and hold her accountable for her OWN emotions. I have to stare her the fuck down, and not be emotionally phased one iota. The emotional strength this will take on my part is probably one of the most challenging things I have ever faced. However I know welcome the challenge. My goal is to reflect back to her, and make her accountable for her own emotional state and not let her be victimized by me. Ignoring, ejecting, running away, freezing are not options, for then she will have won, and learned nothing. This is the best for her spiritual growth, if only I can teach my Dad and my bro these skills now.

Her emotional manipulations of me have affected me in all areas of my life. It has made me easy prey for many that use similar to strategies to her. If i show anger it justifies the victim stance she has taken, and then will milk it for all its worth. Instead I need to be aggressively calm, and learn to be comfortable at starring her in the eyes reflecting it all back at her. Phew!

I have been a master at holding people intellectually accountable, now I am becoming adept at doing it emotionally as well with intense aggressiveness strength.

Because at young age I learnt to take on my mothers emotions, very similar to how depressed-friend takes on other’s suffering. I took on my mother and most peoples emotional states, internallizing them, and then building resistance against the controlling nature of those emotions. Basically fighting myself, and creating a permanent wall of resistance, if im not around others, whose emotions to take on, i take emotions of created people in my dreams. Possibly why i feel so comtrable in clubs, too many peoples emotions to take on so I dont. Smaller group of people I can. This is a subconscious habit of mine. This is possibly the greatest source of my fatigue, and maybe one of the greatest issues i need to deal with.

Strategy to deal with this is to visualize bubbles around every person that contain ALL their emotions, so i dont take it on and this way it dosent affect me. When people are directing negative/controlling emotions my way, all that energy is re-directed at them as soon it leaves. It stays with them. Their shit gets reflected back at them. On the surface reframes are powerful, making people eat there own shit, take acocuntability and responsibility for their own emotional state. I help them best this way as well.

Focus on the freedom and relaxation i feel from the expanded energy i can feel, when all others energies are contained in their own fields. Makes it so much easier for me to be present, to feel a part of earth, to be alive with abundant energy not being dragged down by others and my resistance to theirs. Helps me see people who for they really are, the whole self, the negative and positive, all their own creations, and desires.

I actually have to fundamentally change the way I relate to ALL people. This is reminiscent of narcissm, everyone and their emotions contained within your bubble/boundary…its why mom is so obssed with narcissists, she is a vampire one.

In a way it was like i was a sucking vampire, a femimine void/black hole…like my mother. She does this to everyone around her….probably as a survival strategy, and i learned it from her. Leaving people to their own energies is a great way of not taking things personal.

Death by a thousand cuts

After talking with my gf I figured out the main sticking point for me in terms of boundaries. The two most influential people in my life growing up ages 0-18 was my mom and my best friend/cousin growing up. Both were incredibly emotionally manipulative in slightly different yet similar ways. My mom uses the threat of anger/emotional dissaprovement, becoming upset to get her way and passively aggressively manipulate a social situation. It’s how she likes to get attention as well by bringing up dramatic stories with emotions that would frighten(manipulate) most people into a kind of social submission. I would often deal with it semi-rationally by dissociating or letting her toxic emotions affect me but suppressing it as a survival tactic for fear of more negative emotions being created by her.

I then used similar types of tactics when dealing with my cousin-friend. Cousin-friend is an ISFP and has an emotionally volatile mother that is an ESFJ. He had a very dark/disturbing sense of humor and said offensive things in order to release negative built up emotions. He did this often and even if I found it offensive I didn’t say anything because he always maintained plausible deniability behind his toxic emotions, such as “I’m just joking” or “I’m not being serious” or “It’s not a big deal.” or “chill out”. Using plausible deniability to mask toxic and negative emotions is incredibly emotionally manipulative! It is very similar to passive aggressiveness my mom and ex-gf had and something I haven’t learned to deal with very well. These negative tendencies tend to be the hallmark’s of the “SF” combination. Minor petty manipulative strategic emotions hidden behind the veil of plausible deniability and/or passive aggressiveness.

My first and natural response being an “N” is to consider people with odd little emotional quibbles as insignificant issues and to just to ignore/them and shrug them off and not waste my precious time. However this for the most part is the WRONG thing to do and a terrible suppressive coping-type rationalization response. When those people learn they can get away with minor things, they will keep doing them and a lot of minor things will begin to add up to big things. A good analogy is death by a thousand cuts vs someone coming at you with a knife. A person coming at me with a knife, like a angry “NF” I can deal with, it’s all out in the open, and the emotion is transparent with no double meanings or plausible deniablity/passiveness. My NT mind can grasp it and formulate a response quick; bring it on motherfucker! However it’s the small little emotional negative things that people do that get under my skin and largely go undetected/unconfronted. The small things matter, don’t let them slide!

Having both my mother and my best friend growing up and then my following ex-gf be masters of emotional manipulation is like the universe hitting me with a massive cosmic 2×4. YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS! I have been battling this all my life, no wonder my dreams are filled with social anxiety. Well I got the message loud and clear now. This is some pretty epic spiritual growth.

I am really going to have to pay attention to any “SF” combinations and call them out on the small snide emotional things they do. My gf has mastered this to a large degree already so i can learn a lot from her. And the best way to confront other peoples petty emotions is with a strong emotional response myself. I have to empower my logic with my emotions. (My gf is learning the opposite by empowering her emotion with logic…opposite compliments) Most of the social anxiety I experience in my dreams at night is a result of “SF” like petty emotions of others. I really got a grip on this, and call people out on their minor manipulative bullshit, using my emotional anger/rage/strength/aggressiveness boundary enforcement.

I also think if I detect people with negative emotions around me I am going to tell them out loud as a statement of fact what their feeling. This way things won’t be passive aggressive hidden. If people aren’t being transparent or authentic to call them out on it. Set a new standard for myself, and how people are allowed to act around me.

Beliefs -> Feelings – > Thoughts

I have been reading in one of my channeled material books and the chapter I happened upon basically summarizes Somatic-therapy……and this is 10 years before the front runners of Somatic-therapy were even developed.

I used to think it was Thoughts-> Feelings -> Beliefs
Now I realize I had it wrong and its the exact opposite…it is: Beliefs -> Feelings – > Thoughts

Confidence is an emotional state of aggression. Mennonite-friend was asking me how to increase confidence…and solid controlled emotional aggression balanced with a level mind is the key. Christians have a hard time being aggressive, they believe its very bad, it leads to violence, to be like Christ is to be beta…not aggressive. Modern society has confused this emotion and its usefulness incredibly.

Beliefs are emotional creators/shapers. I have some beliefs holding me back in terms of actualizing my emotional confidence in regards to social anxiety. I’m going to have to dig up my list of erroneous beliefs I held…its somewhere.

But one of the key ones I have is, I believe that I am unworthy and that other people are cool and have “it” and I don’t. This comes across as my gf described – “emotional neediness” and I allow people to project stuff on me debasing my personal integrity and de-powering myself. I have to change this belief. One of the consequences is, I have to much appeasement and not enough boundaries.

Dreams and negative emotions are some of the most powerful ways to arrive at and discover bad beliefs, invisible beliefs (aka personal blind spots) and so forth. I’m going to analyze my dreams in a completely different way now. I realize my anxiety dreams are just repressed emotions and conflicting beliefs creatively expressing themselves in an attempt to signal my conscious mind in order to hold those fearful emotions, work through them, discover my bad beliefs and re-write them.

I Finally, at long last have discovered WHY I am having all the issues with my nightmares/bad dreams. It is fundamentally bad beliefs I still hold locked up and emotionally repressed in my subconscious that I need to bring to conscious awareness!! Laugh Along with emotional trauma from childhood emotionally locked into my nervous system, however i think Somatic-therapy has gotten rid of most of that. I however have discovered the 2nd step!