The myth of the external saviour

“Addictions are always about trying to complete yourself from the outside, even temporarily. Now unfortunately every time you do that you also wound yourself. What you are really saying to yourself is “I’m not enough”. Further reinforcing your worthlessness.” ~ Gabor Mate

Which is pretty much a page out of the Christian narrative. In Christianity every human being is born in sin, incomplete, flawed, broken un-whole. Their salvation is found externally in Christ/God. This reinforces the concept the self is “not enough”.

Even many atheists buy into this kind of paradigm under Freudian psychology which posits that the base nature of man is not nice, but beastly and “evil” and needs to be constrained by the mind.

The entire western narrative needs to be changed to one where the self is worthy, great, powerful & inherently good. This is what many psychedelic drugs teach people. You are your own savior, once people realize this religion becomes unnecessary.

 

Don’t mess with my Surrogate Daddy (Guru/God/Jesus)

Continuing the discussion from my previous post, as I was telling my gf about my meeting with the Steve course facilitator guy, he had informed me that he and his mother both attended weekly sessions hosted by a world- renown local guru who is famous for staring people in their eyes and then magical things happen.

My gf made the connection that this local guru was acting as a surrogate father to all these acolytes (mostly women) he has gathered around himself. This guy has the ultimate form of game as a charismatic leader of a cult like movement. I had always been interested in him but never gone to see his show in person seeing that most of his followers didn’t seem the better for it. He is known under the guise as a “spiritual philosopher” which normally would pull me in. But a little digging on the internet showed he had personal relationship issues of his own despite being the “messiah”.

These people are not so profoundly moved by what he has to say, more so by how he holds presence with each of them they wished an idealized father would. What also tipped me off was Steve mentioned having an emotionally distant father. So a theory that my gf and I came up with is that people where perhaps the primary caretaker was the father where the mother was more absent (which is a bit more unusual) and the father was emotionally not present causes people to seek out male figures that will give them what they never had.

When we are children (before age 5) we are completely dependent on our parents. If the primary caretaker is emotionally absent it creates a mal-adapted attachment style which then creates mal-adapted coping mechanisms. All of our social issues and relationship issues can be be determined quite accurately from what our original attachment styles were. If you as a child were not emotionally supported and validated you will seek it out for the rest of your life, for it is what originally is supposed to give you your sense of security and safety.

Needless to say most people don’t find that in their fellow friends/relationships so thus forms the attachment to an idealized surrogate parent that takes the form of a guru or in the case of Christianity Jesus or even God. (Mother Mary being an example of a surrogate mommy in Catholicism) This single factor is what I believe is the most powerful draw of religions and modern day spiritual guru types. Hence the provocative title of this post.

Attacking this messiah-individual on logical or philosophical grounds is a completely futile effort. The attachment is almost entirely emotional fulfilling a deep need that was not fulfilled adequately in childhood. The problem for these acolytes/followers they ultimately never get satisfied. They never learn to feel fully secure in themselves for security is always thought to lie outside of themselves and thus their personal romantic relationships are usually one wreck after another. 

The answer/attachment isn’t found outside of oneself as it is meant to be templated in childhood, it is an attachment or connection that needs to be forged with the deeper inner self. The civilization within as it were, and the universe and self-power at a more abstract universal level. NOT specific individuals (Jesus/Guru) that you are wholly dependent on for your emotional security-sustenance. That is whole-sale dependency and dis-empowerment.

Secure attachment comes from feeling secure in the vast power of being connected and part of the larger entity that is your own. For its power and energy are endless and that safety can never be threatened by annihilation. Once you can forge the deeper connection with the inner self you will be empowered to connect more genuinely with other people instead of being a leech.

If connection with others is something you really desire, the secure connection with self needs to come first. When that occurs the need for surrogate mommies or daddies will go away. For you ultimately are GOD. The ego has just forgotten this for purposes of emotional development.

What needs to occur to change this dysfunctional spiritual attachment style to surrogate fathers/mothers is a new model of secure attachment to the inner self needs to be put forth. A new brain pathway needs to be created and modeled that makes gurus & messiahs & religions unnecessary. This will be the foundation of a new spiritual revolution. Quite exciting!

Christianity makes self-love impossible

I have a lot of resentment towards my mother. Sometimes I get these glimmers of appreciation towards who she is as a person, but they are ever so fleeting. If I imagine her as a fish, in the ocean it makes it easier.

The reason for the resentment is what she’s done to me my entire life and continues to this day, control me, and try to control my emotions. She is emotionally very authoritative and manipulative. It even scares my gf, and my gf doesn’t scare easily.

I realize the feelings of resentment I have for my mother are all on me. My 100% responsibility, however I do want to understand how they come about and what originally created this dynamic. I feel the understanding has transformational power.

The reason my mother tries to control me, is that she is incredibly insecure in herself. Her needy latchy-on emotional manipulation (that is how she controls) is there because her mother didn’t give her what she needed. And so back it goes. Fundamentally this is how her complex arose, and this is why she seeks to control peoples emotions externally. This for her, and therefore me is connected to fundamental FEELINGS of self-worth.

However here is the hitch I see. Christianity teaches that humans are fundamentally evil, worthless and need external salvation. Only God deserves adoration…not the self. Therefore it is impossible for someone to genuinely love themselves and maintain christian beliefs simultaneously. So now my mother has beliefs that MAINTAIN her state of needy-control deprivation.

So I asked myself, can she learn to love herself first and then eject the beliefs? Or do the beliefs need to go first? Chicken or the egg?

I feel like these are fundamentally two separate issues. Non-religious people have issues around self love as well. However holding the christian beliefs in dogmatized form makes it harder/impossible to progress. They become a limiting factor.

And because I believe my mother will never reject christainity, for for her it is her survival complex that taps into all her values and her ego is almost entirely construct around it, I feel like I will always resent her because she will always try to control me.

This is in effect a limiting belief of my OWN. I can appreciate her, and not resent her. She technically doesn’t need to change, for they are MY emotions and I need to take reprehensibility for them. But gawd its hard.

The thing I want is that even if she will never get rid of her religious beliefs, I still think she can realize and admit that they are having a negative effect on her, and thus me. If I make all this transparent, maybe it will start to at least shift her behavior towards me.

I mean I can cognitively realize I hold a belief that is having a negative impact on me. Just the realization alone won’t change things overnight for me, but the belief WILL change over time the more aware I am of it, and seek to replace it with a positive new one. Awareness is key here.

As Seth said once, if beliefs took time to lay down, it will also take time to undo them. The sooner you star the faster you change though. 🙂